I’m here to set the story straight once and for all. You see there’s been this crazy rumor going around that the chicks that works at Lanikai Juice are hot and their smoothies aren’t bad either. Well one day after the beach we decided to give the smoothies a try and give our eyes a sweet treat while we were at it. All I have to say is, “Bullshit.” Now, I’m not saying that the girls were ugly, that they are not. It’s just that I have such high expectations. This rumor has been running wild for years now, probably ever since Lanikai Juice opened up and I’m sure that they, at one point and time had some very hot babes working the counter but times have changed. All Ray had to say was, “Baby, Lanikai Juice just isn’t the same anymore.” Anyway, my point is, if your gonna be sexist and only hire females then stick to the protocol and make sure they’re hot other wise stop with all the rumors. It’s just not cool to bite the hand that feeds you, you know what I’m saying.
Anyway, this blog is about food so lets get on with it. As soon as I noticed that they had acai bowls I had to give it a try. You see, ever since I found the acai bowl at the Health Bar my life hasn’t been the same. They have the most amazing bowls but the service is like dealing with I.N.S. (immagration and naturalization services); they take their sweet time and get to you when they feel you waited an adequet amount of time while your left there wondering if your order was misplaced or lost, do they even know I exist . . . yes of course they do, they just don’t care. For some inane reason the hiring manager at the Health Bar thinks that eye candy is a good compensation for the imbeciles that he hires. So, you see, I have this love hate relationship with the Health Bar, love the food, hate the retards. So I’m in search for a replacement. Ray got the Acai Traditional: 16 oz of double acai, bananas, granola, and apple juice for $5.95.
I got the Acai Extravaganza: 16 oz double acai, bananas, berries, granola, and apple juice with coconut shavings to top it off for $6.75.
In my professional opinion, I need to keep on searching. The smoothie was way too runny, the coconuts didn’t mix well with it and service just wasn’t that great to be honest. I prefer my acai bowls with honey so when I notice that honey was no where to be found I went back in and asked for some. I had to go back in the long line just for honey and was even charged for it. They gave me this teeny, tiny half full, 2 oz serving of honey for .50 cents each (I got two). I hate places that nickel and dime you for shit. It’s so not cool. Some things should be free, like honey. Volcano Joes gives it for free. It’s right there, out in the open, you don’t even have to get back in line for it. Star Bucks will even give free honey, you just have to ask the person at the counter, but they paired up with T-Moble to nickel and dime you for internet, which, in my opinion, should also be free. I’m not saying every business should give free internet, but if you offer something, give it. That’s all. It’s not that expensive and you can write it off when you do taxes. End of story.
I don’t think I’ll be coming back, but if you want to check it out for yourself be my guest.
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Lanikai Juice
600 Kailua Rd
Kailua, HI 96734
(808) 262-2383